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My Aspergia

I’ve been told that people with my disorder think like they’re from another planet. I’ve also been told that we are called aspies, or aspergians depending on who you talk to. The planet we’re from has no given name but by the sound of the word “aspergian” I believe that it only makes sense to call the planet Aspergia. My Aspergia is not far from earth but aspergians are different from earthlings in so many ways. We follow different rules and we spend a lot of our time thinking. Sports can be hard and sometimes we only feel athletically successful when we participate in the Special Olympics which is the best way to meet others similar to us. I definitely feel like my spaceship crashed onto the wrong planet. Here’s how I hope my life would be like if I lived on Aspergia.
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On Aspergia everyone understands one another because we all think the same way. Change is an inevitable part of life on Aspergia but it doesn’t happen very often. I always take my nighttime meds at 11:00 p.m. and I won’t have to get used to a new person looking after me until my dad finds a new caregiver to start their job and stay with it. The names of my caregivers would be nice and easy to remember and they wouldn’t have any heavy accents that are next to impossible to understand.

my aspergia-detail1On Aspergia I have a lot of friends. I meet with my friends for chocolate milkshakes in the warm months and hot chocolate in the cold months. If I miss one of my friends’ facial expression because I’m too busy talking he or she will kindly let me know how he or she feels verbally.

When my teacher and I get into heated arguments it will be because our thinking is rigid and concrete and that makes it hard to agree to disagree. We always need to go to a guidance counselor to get our problems solved.

Whenever there is a straight A student in my class I feel like I am a failure. When I get a C or D on a test, quiz or exam she or he reminds me that more than half the student body has a problem with black and white thinking and that I shouldn’t worry about my grades.

Where can I begin when it comes to sensory integration dysfunction? The food in the cafeteria is mild and consists of food that you would see on the average kid’s menu on earth. Everyone wears unscented health and beauty products, the bell between classes is just a “beep” sound and car horns are only loud enough for you to hear from up to twelve feet away. Are you worried about fluorescent lighting in classrooms and offices? No problem! All of the lighting comes from the sun.

Every Monday after my after-school homework program I take western horseback riding lessons and on Friday after the same homework program I take a creative writing class. Both of these activities help me de-stress after the first and last day of school each week. In southern Aspergia you’ll find me at the beach. There are not too many waves in the ocean to be afraid of and it’s not too shallow but it’s not too deep either. There are a lot of shells and the others at the beach and I like running our hand along the ridges of the shells. Southern Aspergia and northern Aspergia are my favorite places to go with friends.

my aspergia-detail4Northern Aspergia is a great place to go snowshoeing. My friends and I like to pretend we’re ducks when our snowshoes are on and sometimes we have snowshoeing races. The feeling of snow being kicked up from the person in front of us together with the crunch of the snow under our feet gives us a rush of great excitement.

The colleges and universities in Aspergia are great because you don’t need to worry about getting special support services because everyone’s style of learning is similar to each others. As an added bonus there are seventy-five different extra-curricular activities, clubs and sports offered and the retention rate is very high. The best part is that the colleges are not super selective like the Ivy League schools on earth and there are no pointless SATs or ACTs to worry about. There’s just a placement test so that you can be placed into your classes appropriately.

Life would be a lot more fair on Aspergia than it is here. Aspergians are very sensitive to fairness including what’s fair and what’s unfair. The laws of Aspergia would be flexible and there would be exceptions allowed on a case-by-case basis. We wouldn’t worry about wars because the whole planet is one and not a bunch of different countries as is the case with earth. The citizens of Aspergia would be able to vote for their political leader every other year.

On planet Aspergia it is really hard to lose things. Everything is always where it’s supposed to be and there are not many thieves, if any, residing on the planet. Everything is clean and organized and there is no such thing as an exterminator because there doesn’t need to be. All of the living creatures of Aspergia benefit the planet’s citizens in some way. There are more than twice as many species on Aspergia then there are on earth and they are all tame. The kids of Aspergia love to play with them. The animal of choice in Aspergia is any animal in the cat family because cats are the easiest animals to relate to.

Each aspergian is given nine lives upon birth just like cats. If something deadly happens to them they are reincarnated as another person or animal. After humans, cats are the most common animal to be reincarnated as. The cat is said to have some Asperger’s Syndrome symptoms which makes them extra legible.

On planet Aspergia it rains and snows but there are no natural disasters to worry about. Even when it rains and snows there is never an accompanying storm. Aspergia is a very safe planet for all of it’s citizens.

I’d love to live on planet Aspergia. Life would be a lot easier for me and I think my stress level would go down. Living there would be better treatment for my anxiety and depression than any medication as well. Of course, sadly, this is all wishful thinking.


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